I recently got a question from a reader and responded to it. It clarifies some of my thoughts related to relationships, ambition and organization, so I thought I would share it here.
“Just curious, are you secretly one day hoping for some man of your dreams character to come along and throw you off your schedule and change your life? Or do you ever feel like maybe you’re organizing your life too much? I’m not saying you are, but a lot of the blog is organizing your life, and though you’re not there now, it seems like you might progressively become a schedule book. Sometimes I want to become a schedule book, but just so I can break out of it.”
“Hmm… No, I don’t secretly want a man to throw me off my path. As a matter of fact, the past few months I’ve become rather relationship phobic. I would say that I’m afraid someone will throw me off, but I’m not afraid of it because I know I wouldn’t let it happen.
I schedule my time, but I schedule it so that I can fit in all the things that I love doing. When I was doing it without a schedule, I felt crazed and time-starved constantly. The fun things were falling to the wayside because I was running around distracted.
I leave big gaps in my schedule. Sunday, for example, has just a few items: run, write blogs, post blog. None of them have set times, it’s more a loose to-do list. I fully intend to spend most of that day on the beach with my iPod, some Jack Johnson and a book (which will probably be used more as a pillow than for reading). And I shall eat strawberries and wonder what the poor people are doing (i.e. people in snow, not near water, etc.).
I understand what you mean though. I used to come up with schedules in college just so I could rebel against them – it made me feel spontaneous to be at Wal-Mart buying hula hoops at 1 am when I should have been writing my Vonnegut paper.
That you would consider someone to be rescuing you from your scheduled self makes me think that you don’t enjoy schedules in the first place. Some people work well with highly-organized agendas, like me. I’m a terribly disorganized person in reality (you should see my apartment), so people marvel when they see my color-coded planner with my entire week neatly arranged.
Why? Because I couldn’t freakin’ remember to do ANY of it if I didn’t do this. If I were naturally organized and prompt, I wouldn’t need multiple alarm clocks, a color-coded organization system, and e-mail reminders. If I were a naturally focused person, I wouldn’t need productivity methods. I am simply a person who knows 1. her weaknesses, and 2. what she needs to do to accomplish her goals.
Do I want someone to rescue me? No. Do I want someone to share my beach blanket and smile back when I wonder what the poor people are doing? Sure. Do I want someone to sympathize with me when I get done with an 18-hour day? Absolutely. But I want someone who respects me enough to know that what I do is important to me and who supports me in it, who believes that I can do it – not someone who wants to ‘take me away from it all.’
I enjoy my life, so immensely. It’s full, it’s productive; readers (some friends, but mostly strangers) e-mail me and say what I’m writing is making a difference. That’s why I do this. This is worth it to me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
You would often find that lot of planning is being involved in the actual wedding of the couples but at certain point of time, people overlook to put much consideration on the honeymoon. Your honeymoon is the best time you spend with your darling in your newly married romantic relationship collectively after all the jostle of the wedding ceremony. You can purchase online romance novels to get sufficient tips & techniques for a romantic journey with your beloved to Hawaii.
Lighten up yourself; spend quality time together before commencing your idealistic voyage of love and romance together. It is being stated that things are completely different in the marital relationship. As a duo you would share the first voyage as the honeymoon.
Let us discuss some excellent honeymoon tips in a nutshell
It would always be great if you can retouch on some methods of massage.
Use oils & lotions which can enhance your frame of mind such as Sandalwood or Jasmine. Better consult Aroma specialist to combine some romantic intermingles that will improve your mood.
Play your much preferred romantic music gently in your room.
Huge tons of candles are forever a mood setter. The spongy sparkling blaze has constantly been the central pinnacle of romance.
Wear your darling favorite cologne before going to bed.
Romantic Candle Light Dinner would always add lot of flavor in your newly born romance coupled with supplementary savor & enthusiasm.
You can fill up your room with fresh aromatic floras. Each time you smell those flowers, you would forever memorize your honeymoon for the remaining phase of your life.
You can have a muggy nighttime by taking those teddy bears, you both can get pleasure collectively.
Read beautiful love stories from best romance novelsto your dearly loved & ensure they listen attentively till the end.
It would be a fantastic romantic idea to walk an extra mile to watch the dawn together.
Please let me know your thoughts about this blog post as well as write your views in the comments.
What you think a woman finds sexy and appealing in a man is probably entirely different from what she really thinks. Men may think what makes him sexy and attractive is a nice, muscular, six-foot-two body, with eyes of blue. Who can help think that, with all the brainwashing the media and Hollywood does to us? All it is is hype. The truth of the matter is that overtime more women than you may think care more on what is inside him, than what is on the outside. The brainwashing can go both ways when the women are thinking that men thinks what makes a woman sexy and attractive is one with big breasts, shapely legs, doll-like face and with long hair down to her butt. Sure, it would be nice, but many guys want more than that. She too also has to have that inner beauty. One-night stands are one thing, but if he wants a relationship… I’m sure many of you have been with a pretty, or maybe an attractive woman who had a body that would make any man drool with hunger, but later her lousy personality, and especially her attitude made him turn to another woman who had more going for her than just her looks. Women are the same way, in fact, much more so. You’ve seen these well-built vixens arm and arm with just a plain-looking man. Do you think a handsome man would be on the arm with a plain-looking woman? Compared to men, there are more women who are more lenient. Read chapter one again before proceeding.
So, what makes an ugly guy more appealing to just an average-looking but very cute woman? What makes an average-looking guy more appealing to the very attractive woman? I put it like this because, let’s face it, that man who isn’t very good looking probably won’t get that beautiful woman, but he can still get that average-looking but very cute one, while the average-looking guy would have a much better chance. That’s the way life is. The women tell you, in detail on what they really like. They use much more common sense than men when looking for a mate for life, so, many concentrate more on what is inside him. It’s hard for a man to do that. When a man’s hormones kick in is when his brain kick out. Whether she is a coworker, neighbor or a complete stranger you are trying to pick up, here is what many women typically look for in a guy. It’s what she thinks makes him sexy and attractive, and most importantly, appealing (borderline magnetism). The following are the most popular, which were repeated over and over again.
1. His Eyes And Smile (full lips). This seemed to be the most popular when it came to what is the first thing she notices about him. Wherever you go, whomever you meet, whether it be a bank teller or a cashier, look at her with a warm look and with a big smile every time you go there. Women are more receptive to a smile. You’d be surprised by what a smile can do overtime. Many women think that a man who smiles at her and gives a simple “Hi”(in a friendly manner) is more appealing. Then, after so many times, ask her out. Just from smiling at the same woman every time you see her could be enough to get that date with her. Do you know that some women, when looking at a man who has full lips, wonder what it would be like to kiss him, even if he isn’t good looking? It’s true. We men, when looking at a woman who has a great body wonder what it would be like to have sex with her. She wonders what it would be like to kiss him. There actually have been men who had collagen injected into their lips for this affect. This is a simple procedure that can add an appeal to your face.
2. Intelligence / Holding an Interesting and Stimulating Conversation.
3. A Man Who Is Sure Of Himself. He Knows What He Can Do When He Sets Out To Do Something / Self Confidence.
4. He Cares About Himself And His Appearance. Clean fingernails and fresh breath.
5. Good Sense of Humor. Not all the time either. Just in moderation. Also, not being loud. Robin Williams is a funny guy, but he never knows when to stop. That can be irritating. Most women are attracted to funny men, but not when it’s all the time and if he’s too loud. But…if you have a serious personality, you may not want to change it. There are still plenty of women who are also on the serious side. Serious people who try to be funny…well, they just aren’t funny.
6. Good Listener / Emphasizes.
7. Pleasant / Likable Personality. He Has A Warm Smile Or Grin Directed At Her.
8. Loves Himself Just As He Is. He Doesn’t Let His Receding Hairline, Short Stature Or His Plain Looks Get In The Way. He’s Confident In His Inner Beauty, And He Shows It.
9. He Shares His Feelings And Emotions With Her, At The Same Time Not Being A Wimp. Women don’t really want a man to be sensitive, just sensitive to their feelings. That’s a difference you should always remember.
10. He Shows Himself To Be A Great Father And Provider.
11. He’s Romantic. He Leaves Her Little Notes For Her, Always Lets Her Know He Thinks About Her, Makes Her Romantic Dinners, Draws Her A Bubble Bath…
12. He Shows He Cares For Her As A Friend. He does little things for her, which can later on turn into more than just friends. This often works for men who want to date their neighbor, coworker or just a friend.
13.Full of Energy and Life, Not Dull and Boring.
14. A Little Bit Of Arrogance And Cockiness.You wouldn’t think so, would you? John T. Molloy, the author of NEW DRESS FOR SUCCESS, conducted an experiment with two men at a single’s club in New York’s upper-east-side. He found that when his two guinea pigs acted a little arrogant and a little cocky, that’s when they got the most favorable responses from women. Many women like a man who is just a little arrogant and a little cocky. Just don’t overdo it!
15. Charming. He’s not Always Touchy And Feely. Too Much Contact Is A Turnoff.
16. A Take Charge Kind Of A Person, Like A Man Should Be. Not One Who Is Indecisive.
17. He Knows How To Dress. Women put MUCH more emphasis on clothing and shoes than men. An average-looking man can make himself more appealing just by the clothes on his back.
18. And… He Is Tall. Not all women are hung up on this. It’s not written in stone, but it’s still on most women’s minds. (More on this height thing later in this chapter.) Looks, to an extent did matter for some women, but the other qualities were more important when being in a relationship.
Is this what you thought? Well this is what really matters to many of them. (Especially when they are approaching their late thirties, when they are more concerned with what is inside him.) They may like a tall, good-looking man with a nice set of buns, and I know you have heard that over and over again, but when it gets right down to it, these inner qualities matters the most. Many women know looks can take a man just so far if that’s all he has going for him, especially if she is thinking about marrying him. If you aren’t that good looking and / or you aren’t that tall, you have to sell yourself. Most people are basically hung up on looks, but they also know that there is more to a person than that. They just need to be reminded of it. So, if you feel that you aren’t that good looking, remind her with your personality, sense of humor and knowing how to hold a good conversation.
Recently, my posts have concentrated on what is called “outer game”, which is a set of techniques and methods to approach and attract women. Now, while outer game is important, it can never work alone, without building a strong inner game and confidence with women.
Confidence with women is important first of all, because without it you will suffer from a strong fear of approaching women. Lack of confidence is the No.1 reason for this fear.
However, confidence is a basic masculine quality that every woman will be looking for in a man. A woman will always check how confident you are, and she will even use “shit tests” – questions and tests to see if you are really a confident and strong man, or perhaps you are just trying to be.
So, basically, every side in your success with women is connected to your confidence.
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There is a very negative belief that many men have about women. For some reason, men think that a woman is some kind a “holy creature”. That she deserves more, that she needs to receive special treatment.
Yes, it could be a good idea to pay the bill on a first date. And some novelty will be appreciated by women. But there is no reason to think that because a woman has tits and a pussy, she is better or more important than you.
If you see an attractive woman on the street, it’s OK to approach her. If you are on a third date with a girl, it’s OK to propose to go to your place. And it’s also OK to be late on a first date.
The idea is that you don’t need to give women special treatment because they are woman. It’s a big key to confidence with women – just understand that there is no reason not to be confident.
If you are confident around men, you can behave and feel the same around women as well.
Nothing Bad Can Happen To You
Receiving a slap or being strongly embarrassed by a woman is something that only happens in your nightmares – only in your mind.
In reality, if you approach a woman or say something to her, nothing bad will happen to you.
If you approach a girl, the worst thing that can happen to you is that she will tell you that she’s not interested. If you try to kiss a girl, she might refuse.
You’re not going to die or get hurt. So stop being afraid of women. In fact, as a member of the stronger sex, women should be afraid of you. So why are you so shaking before approaching her?
She Is Not The Only Girl On Earth
Another common mistake men do, is being “afraid to ruin things” with a specific girl. But that’s a mistake, because by being afraid to behave “yourself”, you become very unattractive to women, and that’s what ruins your chances.
As a man, you need to understand that out there, there is an endless variety of women. Women need to wait for men to approach them. But you can approach as many women as you want.
When you are in a club, feel free to say whatever you want and behave as you wish. If a girl rejects you, you can go and approach other women.
The idea is never to think that you’ve met the only girl on earth. She is not special. You can have as many women as you want, so don’t be afraid of losing this specific girl.
You Are The Prize
In most of the interactions that men create with women, they present the girl as “the prize”. They show the girl that they really want her, and try to flatter and impress her. In this kind of an interaction, the girl will always have a higher value than the guy.
But think about it – you don’t know the girl, maybe she is not interesting at all, maybe you will not like her? But there is one thing that you can be sure about – you love yourself. You know that you are a great guy that every woman would love to be with.
By accepting the fact that you are the prize, that women need to work hard to get your attention, you will convey higher confidence.
Get Used To Approaching Women
The last principle that I would like to discuss might seem connected to outer game, but in fact it’s a great way to improve your confidence.
On of the reasons for not being confident in life, in general, is because we are afraid of things that we are not experienced with. Most of the men in the world hardly approach women. They hardly approach because they are afraid to approach. Sounds like a circle of fear, right?
Well, the way to break this circle is by forcing yourself to approach. What I would suggest, is to begin with approaching women that you are not really interested – this will always be easier.
Get yourself a habit to approach women. What helped me was a promise I gave myself, to approach at least one woman every day. Just one, even if I wasn’t attracted to her. Over time, it will give you great experience in approaching, and make you very confident.
Confidence is something you can control. It’s connected with your beliefs system and your experience. Understand the importance of building confidence, and invest your time and emotions in creating it.