Six years ago, when, as a young mom, Twyla McDougall started thinking about home-schooling her children, she wasn’t sure she could pull it off.
McDougall, a former dental hygienist, thought parents who taught their own children at home had to be ”ridiculously smart,” extremely organized, financially well-off, and familiar with school curriculums.
”That’s so not true, and I’m so thankful for that,” she said with a laugh.
With so many parents feeling anxiety about sending their kids into the classroom, home-based education, known as home-schooling, is getting more attention. It requires more from parents than just supervising virtual learning. In home-schooling, parents become the teachers and must find or create lesson plans and, if required, do their own evaluations and record-keeping.
Some would-be home-schoolers have posted in online forums that they believe teaching their own kids would be much less stressful than trying to cajole their child into sitting in front of a computer for virtual learning, an experience that got a failing grade from many parents in the spring…
Original at https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/home-schooling-options-1.5694152
AFF-NZ online dating article for dads who need it. More tips here.
First and foremost, do not let your dates meet the kids right away. There are many reasons for this. First, you will probably be dating several women before you meet the right one. Do you really want your kids to meet, and possibly get attached to, someone who doesn’t make the grade? They will be expecting every woman you bring home to be just another passing ship. They don’t need that.
Another reason is kids are honest and open to a fault. Do you really want them to tell the next potential Mrs. Right about her predecessors? Especially if one or more of them were for entertainment purposes only. This can only turn out badly, especially if there are many “entertainment only” dates.
You also don’t want the kids to get attached to someone you don’t really like. Remember, you already have a mother and unless your name is Oedipus you don’t want to marry her. The qualities that make a good mother don’t always make a good wife. You need to find a woman who has the qualities of both. Since you plan on having her around longer than the kids, it’s more important that she suits you, so she has to win you over before she gets to meet the kids.
Internet dating is one way to get back into the scene. It allows you to meet many people in one spot. With chatting and emailing you can hopefully weed out the nutbags without having to waste the time and money on them, and believe me, with kids, time and money are the two things you can’t afford to waste. If someone, after ten minutes of chatting, starts making plans for spending the weekend with you, she may not be the one. Chat with them as much as possible over the next week or two. If the conversation doesn’t flow easily, it probably won’t on a date either. Make sure you have both seen pictures of each other before actually meeting. The reality is never as good as the fantasy. Even with pictures, some people photograph better than others.
The bottom line is you are not just dating for yourself. Unless they are about to leave the nest, your children will be spending quite a bit of time with this person, too. So try to keep all of this in mind when you’re out on a date. Above all else, think with your brain. That’s what it’s there for.
The most important factor for single parents to date successfully is for them to know why they are single.
If your reflections of why you are single include “he did this” or “she did that” but have few concessions to personal contributions, you are not ready to date. Even if you are a single parent largely due to the behaviors of another, not recognizing what personal qualities led you to choose your previous partner will most likely lead to a repeat performance.
As a single parent you are now in a position to model to your children (whether you like it or not) how to choose an appropriate mate, how to discern acceptable behaviors and how to graciously remove yourself from a situation that is not reflective of your values, all while maintaining integrity.
Remember your children are children and information should not be hidden from them (less they later hide information from you) but should be disseminated according to their level of emotional maturity.
If your children are internet savvy and the internet is your vehicle for single parent dating, remember to keep your browsing and conversations private. Modeling to your children that an online introduction is a safe precursor to “in person” dating may unwittingly open Pandora’s box.
When “primping” for your date keep in mind to use “appropriate bait for what you are trying to catch”. Children will pick up on your technique and utilize it later, either by imitation or bringing it home.
“Single Parent” is a misleading catch phrase, the winning equation is to prioritize your life as a “parent whom happens to be single” not a “single person whom happens to be a parent.”
Time is a luxury to parents whether they be single or married and dating takes time. Use your time wisely making a list of what you are looking for, include 3 “must have’s” and 3 “deal breakers”. Don’t waver due to physical attraction. Remember the “hot factor” fades but a propensity towards a particular behavior remains.
Curated consumer item excerpted from fatherly.com:
A federal ban against sports betting was recently struck down by the Supreme Court and, in the wake of that decision, 14 states have moved to legalize sports betting. Those new policies will fall into place in the next two years. The hope is that this will generate billions in government revenue as millions put money on State or NBA games or what have you. For children, it’s likely to simply mean more exposure to gambling and conversations about gambling. That should concern parents. Children who are introduced to gambling by their parents can develop gambling problems as early as adolescence.
“A parent’s attitude about gambling can affect a child’s attitude about it. If a parent sends the message that gambling is not a big deal, then kids and teens are more likely to have the same beliefs,” says Emily Mendez, M.S., EdS., who specializes in addiction and substance abuse. “Teens who gamble excessively report that they first started gambling with family members. There is a clear connection in the research between a family history of gambling and adolescent gambling…”
Here’s something you probably didn’t think: parents can learn good disciplining skills from watching what happens in Las Vegas.
Las Vegas is fun and exciting. The sound of tokens pouring into some lucky person’s hands and shrieks of delight get everyone’s adrenalin pumping. We all want to be that lucky person. We identify with them and go to put our money in the slot machine too. If we get a payout fairly soon, we are more likely to put more money in. How many people do you know who are able to leave straight after a payout?
Once someone has become addicted to gambling, it is really difficult to break the addiction. This is because the winnings do not come too regularly or too frequently. You’re never quite sure if the next token will result in a payout. This schedule of reward is called ”variable ratio reinforcement” in the jargon of behavioural scientists and psychologists. Research has shown that behaviour that has become entrenched by variable ratio reinforcement is extremely difficult to extinguish.
So what can this teach parents?
The first important lesson is that we must be very careful not to give in to bad behaviour from our children. If we say ”no” and then our child starts throwing a tantrum and then we give in, we are actually rewarding (reinforcing) that bad behaviour. So he has hit the jackpot. The reward pours into his little lap and he’s ready to use that same, effective behaviour on you again! What is even scarier is when we realize that we are not going to give in every single time, we only slip up sometimes. This means that our child is on a ”variable ratio reinforcement schedule” for this bad behaviour. It will be very difficult to get him to stop using this behaviour, because it will take a very long time before he can truly accept that it will not result in a payout.
When we parents realise that rewarding behaviour makes it happen more often and that if it becomes entrenched on a variable ratio schedule it is difficult to make that behaviour go away, we can look at ways of avoiding this big parent trap. We can begin by using the reward system as Las Vegas does and reward behaviour we want from our child. So when you call your child to come to dinner and he comes, you smile, hug him and praise him for being so prompt. If he ignores you, don’t reward that behaviour, go and collect him. Don’t give him much attention when you collect him. Attention is rewarding, even negative attention.
Because you understand the power of variable ration reinforcement, you will be wary of giving in to bad behaviour. I often had to point out to my temper-throwing toddlers that I will not reward bad behaviour and therefore, even though I might have agreed to their request on reflection, I could not now because of their bad behaviour. You will be amazed at how quickly young children learn that concept if you just keep reminding them.
Taking your young child to a shopping mall is almost like taking an adult to Las Vegas. There are lights and music and exciting toys and temptations on offer everywhere! He is going to ask you to buy just about everything he sees. Use Las Vegas’ reward system to your advantage. Decide before you go what you will be willing to buy and what you will not. Tell your child that if he behaves well, he will get a treat from you. In Las Vegas you see by watching that the behaviour that gets the treat is putting money in the slot. It is better to tell your child directly than to hope he sees and copies some other child. When your child asks for something that is on your ”not buying” list, tell him so. If he accepts, praise him (this is an important reward for our children) and remind him that this is just the right kind of behaviour to get his reward at the end of the shopping trip. If he throws a tantrum, remind him that it is only good behaviour that will get the treat and that this is certainly not good behaviour. Remain firm. Remember if you give in, every future shopping trip will be a night-mare. At the end of the shopping trip, if on balance he has been better behaved, he gets his treat. Make sure that when you give it to him he is behaving well and has not recently thrown a tantrum or nagged you.
It was by remembering the power of reward and how Las Vegas has become so successful in drawing people from around the world, that I developed the resolve to reward only good behaviour and strongly avoid rewarding bad behaviour in my children. I didn’t always find it easy but my behaviour was rewarded by my children behaving better in the mall and each time their good behaviour rewarded me, my resolve strengthened.
Well parents, usually Las Vegas and gambling are the things we want to keep furthest from our minds when thinking about our children; but now you can use their strategies to make your own disciplining strategies more efficient. That’s a nice turn for the books!
Sharon has extensive experience in child development and learning. See the UNIQUE READING PROGRAM she developed. Parents find it fun and easy to use and so do therapists and teachers. Children LOVE it and their reading improves dramatically. Learn more about this reading program for your child: http://sharonstansfield.weebly.com/unique-reading-program.html